Friday, May 22, 2009

Quick update

Well in the time frame of about 18 hours I’ve had to watch my ex drool over his current love interest as she walked the stage in teeny tiny bikinis last nite with a hot bod while I felt like a fat whale in the corner, and go to a doctors appointment for a breast check up which meant taking my top off and sitting there with my fat rolls hanging out everywhere. I swear the whole time he was checking them I didn’t not care that an old guy was fondling my boobs, I cared more about how disgusting I looked sitting there with giant muffin top and pot belly. Lucky I hadn’t had lunch yet that would have been worse.

I haven’t had a chance to weigh myself in the last 2 days and its killing me. I dunno if its beta to do it once a week or everyday but I prefer everyday that way I can keep a daily track. I always weigh myself on same time: after I have just walked home and eaten my lunch. Am contemplating jumping on the wii tonight but I have no idea how to turn it on with my housemates gadget control. Press this then this then that then activities then press this till this comes up *sigh* I should just purchase some scales but alas since I am going to New Zealand in august I must save.

Anyway I have decided that once I meet 132lb I am going to get a tattoo on my hip. Now I love tattoos. I watch LA Ink, Miami Ink and London Ink whenever I can and always talk about my next planned one. But I will only get a tat that has personal meaning and get it done on a place that won’t stretch as I see that as pointless. One of these pointless places was on my hip but a way I see it now is to get to a weight I will never go higher then, and get the tat as motivation to not stretch it with whale blubber! Nothing big, just a reminder to stay in control. I’m excited and motivated just thinking about it, a new tat on my slimmer hips.

I’m going to use this motivation to its advantage and jump on the treadmill.

And just a little note to me these ramblings have no flow. I love a good entry that has some time dedicated to writing it but I am at work and have to keep hiding my entry as I write, do some calls and jobs in between and I loose my train of thought. Ill try an entry at home when I am alone and to myself J

Savii xx

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Highs and lows

Well from a week of such high spirits as I watch the number on the scales go down, my f**k of an ex decided to tell me that he is goin on a date with a chick in the finals for a mans magazine! Heres me tryin to be nice (god knows why since he has done nothing for me sept make my life a misery) and being all supportive when he is saying he is all nervous and the conversation goes something like this:

Ex: “Fukn Nervous enuf!”

Me:” u’ve been out with enuf girls 2 no wat 2 do haha”

Ex: “ya but nun dis hot, no ofence ha”

So there is me, was crying the shower for about 10 mins last nite hating the body I was in, hating that I am no good in beauty standards, hating the fact that I am not a hot model in finals to get into magazines with my smoking hot body in an itsy bitsy bikini!! Hating that I still care about what he says. Hating me! And these feelings have carried onto 2day *sigh*

The only plus side is that I am back to my old highest weight! Hardly worth celebrating though cos I never should have gotten any higher in the first place!
So to get on the right track I have been making mini challenges with myself.
This weekend I am off to the casino and clubbing in Perth so I want to be hopefully 147lb
The following weekend I hope to be a stable 145lb
By June 22nd (ex’s bday) I hope to be a solid 141 lb as that is what I was his birthday last year… smaller would be fantastic but tryin to be realistic! So I have a month to loose about 7lb. I need to. I have to!

I’ve been eating relatively well. My only downfall is dinner time where I just feel I must eat EVERYTHING.
Have been eating:
Breakfast: 20g of muesli – 78cal
General salad and vegetable patties I made – 150 cals (this varies most days as will have an egg or soup extra so lunch ranges from 150 – 300)
Snack: Apple – 55cal
Dinner: Roughly 600cals

Grrrr I need to cut back so much at dinner! Or at least go for a walk after to start the burning process so not everything is stored when I sleep! Its just so hard when there is ice cream in the fridge. So am trying to revert back to Ice cream on Sunday’s only. This was the family tradition for years. Ice cream was the Sunday treat and looked forward to it so much! Now I’m out of home I cant stop eating it cos it is there at my leisure. This is where I need to put my self control in motion. I have been doing so good with chocolate so now to apply with ice cream! Or at least substitute with yoghurt. Geez I used to eat yoghurt by the gallon but since getting so sick last year dairy just doesn’t sit well anymore! Sucks! The only good thing to come out of being very ill was the weight loss! I loved being that small, being able to fit into my old clothes and t-shirts and especially my mini mini mini skirt which hadn’t fit me since year 8! Last Christmas is fit so snugly now I can just get it to my hips and I don’t even bother trying to button them up! The day that skirt fits is the day I will feel accomplished!

Well beta do some work I suppose.

Savii xx

P.S. just seen a pic of the ex’s new interst and sure she got a body (bad) but I think im much beta looking then her (good). Feelin abit beta now.

p.p.s. good feeling now gone :(

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"what you eat in private, shows in public"

We I think a small introduction is in order. Just an average 20 year old living in Western Australia. Huge fan of dancing. The best for of release! Love a good laugh, hanging with my mates. Addicted to travelling, currently planning a get away to New Zealand in August this year, contiki touring it up with my housemate Tony* which I am very much looking forward to. I work in Real Estate, the legal side of it and I have to say it is not the most exciting job there is but it pays the bills. I recently moved out with my friends Tony and Macy* which has given me a new outlook to life. The freedom, the independence, the responsibility. I love it!

However, there is one thing I hate... my body!
Its fat, its lumpy, its flabby and in desperate need of some hip bones and toning! Some tanning and perfection! Alot of self disipline and self control!
As of Monday i started this control! My goal is to get to 127lb by my 21st birthday! I have to. I need to.

*sigh* I find it hard to give up eating the things i love. Chocolate, icecream, Biscuits, muffins..... those are my biggest loves and my greatest downfalls!
However I am proud to say that after Easter i have had my chocolate fix, i make home made muffins now, biccies just dont do me anymore and icecream? well we buy way to much of it! but i haVe found an alternative. Last night i decided to buy some frozen strawberries(will get fresh when they are abit cheaper), low fat yoghurt, ice and hilo milk and made mini frappes which turned out pretty decent. I also purchased some weight waters jelly @ 9cals per 100g and i only have about 50g at a time so 4.5cals woop woop.

I am a very big calorie counter now. This started when my friend brought me a calorie counting book last year. It pretty much became mym bible. I was checking EVERYTHING that i was about to eat but i was never very serious about it at the time. Now times are changing. Since i stated this goal seriously i have discovered that my bible book is also online which makes it much more convinient: i do recommend a look. It helps me keep track troughout that day plus i can plan ahead and see just what i should eat and how much exersice will burn it off again :D

So my goal weights i want to achieve are:
End May/June - 147lb
July - 143lb
August - 138lb
Sept - 134lb
OCT - 127lb

I can do it! I will do it

Eaten so far:
Muesli - Apricot & Almond (20g) - 78cal
Salad - Lettuce baby spinach, carrot, capsicum, celery, 40g tuna, 10g cheese, one egg - 200cal

1.5 Hrs walking:
60 mins @6kph - 302cals burnt
30 mins @ 5kph - 124cals burnt

Savii xx

So it begins..

After much thought and incredible amounts of moping about how i look, i am now taking matters into my own hands. Looking back in time, over a year ago I was want i want to be now. Now i am my highest weight i have ever been!!! Time for change. Time for control!

My Stats:
LW: 127lb - 2008
HW: 154lb - 2009
CW: 149lb
GW: 127lb

Myself: Feb 2008 - 132lb March 2009 - 154lb

Started officially this week and lost 1lb since yesterday.
My May goal is to be 147lb

I hope i can do it, i need to do it!

Well this was a random post as am slowly dying of a cold but will post a more productive entry tomoz :)

Savii xo