Monday, December 28, 2009

pre 2010 goals - starting resolutions early

I failed my Xmas challenge, I feel the biggest i have ever been, let myself go to the festive season and i am now paying for it this summer. On top of guzzling food by the handfuls, i cant even exersice to the levels i crave due to shin splints and neck and back problems. I want them to heal, yet i cannot stop myself from going to the gym. I must do body step and body attack to make amends to my face stuffing yet i leave feeling the pain just that little bit more each time.

I will then come home to a fridge full of chocolates i have received at gifts and eat without a thought.

The reality hit my upon standing on the scales for the first time in 2 months to see a figure i had hoped belonged in the past! How i loathed the very body i was in, how i curseld my lack of control. It was my fault i have been so care free, so oblivious to my abuse on myself....

That was the past. I now stand in the present, and look forward to the future with new hope for the year 2010.

Christmas has been and gone, the new year is approaching.. and i am overflowing with new courage and a game plan. I have the big picture in mind but i need to break it down to a realistic level each week. Here is this weeks goals.

Mini goals till 2010:

For the next 3 days i am -

  • sticking with 500 cals a day

  • i will burn 900 cals min for 2 of those days
    (Tuesday - Walking & BodyStep + Wednesday - Walking and BodyAttack)

  • On day 3 i will stick to 500 cals foodwise and do alot of dancing to burn off the excess amount of alcohol i plan on drinking new years eve!

As for the rest of the week, one day will be recover and travel as group of us is planning to drive south to climb Bluff knoll next weekend, a 6km return, 3 hour hike up a fantstic mountain which will hopefull burn a fair bit of booze new years and tone the legs abit. I am very excited about this, have done it before but i was in recovery from glandular fever, plus had a head cold and had to stop every 50m, plus it was raining and hailing so hopefully this time i am much fitter, healthier and the sun is shining bright witha clean view overlooking the stirling ranges once we reach the top!!!

I am also going to try to update more often. I dont use the net much at home any more just because i stare at the computer all day at work, its kind of the last thing i want to do when i get home. But i need to keep record to make sure i keep track of my eatings, doings and can encourage myself to post a positive improvement each time. I can and will do this. Taking it easy and steady, one week at a time.

They are my first tests to prove to myself I can keep a promise to myself, stick to the challenges i set and complete my goals.

I hope to map out my new years resolutions throughout the week.
Hurry up and open again gym!!!


Monday, November 30, 2009

Been awhile...

i want.....

i usually update at work all the time but they have cracked down on internet usage and pretty much blocked the net ... sucks cos now i have nothing to distract me from snacking

Bit of an update on myself
... i am fat, nothing new.. .
well i gains 2lb and my xmas challenge has not stuck at all, i have lost total control of my eating habits and i feel bigger then ever
But i am setting myself a new goal: i have 25 days to lose 6lb - at least - being my xmas present to me!
I found pics of my last xmas when i was around 138... damn that is still huge but it is better then what i am now... i must get to under 140 by xmas.. I MUST!

was feeling abit off 2day and as a result i missed out on body attack and body pump! instead i went for a nice relaxing 50 min walk then came home and stuffed my face with rockyroad i made on the weekend
well its a new month... new year is up next with so much to look forward to.. but right now i need to focus on acheiving this....



Tuesday, November 3, 2009

hmmm last entry I posted was a bit on the dark side. I hate how that side comes out of me when I have been drinking... and lately it just keeps getting worse and worse. Thank you to EiLEANstein, I needed abit of a reality check :)

So I have been keeping myself busy setting small goals and planning big adventures. I am still on track to my Xmas weight, which I didn’t quite expect as have been very slack in the restricting department. Instead of restricting I have been halving what I would usually eat all off and so far it is working well. I am still indulging in cakes and chocolate but carefully which has resulted in very few binge days (with the exception of Sunday but we wont talk about that :S)

So 125lb has been my main goal for quite some time, but I know for a fact that I wont get there anytime soon so I am giving myself 8 months to get there when it is time for my EUROTRIP haha so pumped. Wow counting that, 8 months is a long time! But the reality of it is that I can slowly maintain my weight loss and do it at a healthy pace.

Awkward moment just before, one of my work mates asked if I have lost weight? I have but not much.. replied with a “no?” then they all started staying how I always go walking etc…. bailed out of there pretty quick.

I don’t like being talked about, especially
when its about my weight and exercise.

I am getting a tattoo on my ribs soon, a small design i made myself so when i get it done i will post some pics up. Cannot wait for it! Not only will it be super sexy but it is also motivation to never get any larger then when i get this tat!
No tattoo looks nice all stretched or hidden between rolls!

Intake today
Half a Banana (50g) and half of a Multigrain Muffin – 123cals

Lettuce, Spinach Leaves, Carrot, Capsicum, 2 Multigran Rice Thins – 64 Cals

Scone with tiny bit of Jam & Cream – 250 Cals
& a small Apple – 45 Cals

Walking for an hour 6kph – 300 Cals
Body Pump 1hr – 600 Cals
Body Attack 1hr – 750 Cals

Not sure what is for dinner…..

Ciao Ciao

Saturday, October 24, 2009

its a harsh realitly...

but i welcome death rite now!
i feel like it wat i deserve... just reading a single comment on facebook, after a fantastic day my world come crashing down ... from single comment.
Why is it so hard to be happy when the one you love is happy with somene else!
Why do i even bother when its pointless to try and pursue someone who just doesnt want u?!?!

why is the quest for happiness and perfection so hard....
Why cant it just be there for you, ready for you, laid out for you?

why does lonliness call over happiness?
why does control overpower desire?

I want it all now, i hate waiting for the impossible.! I am trying to make it happen but reality sits in the way!
move aside! its my time to shine! I want to be my dream!!!
your world
your everything
Someones everything
just... something to someone.

wat is happiness?

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

run, hide and dont come out till its aaaallllll gone...

thats what i should be doin right now instead of waiting for 3 cheese pasta bake with chicken and bacon........ shame

very small serving, double gym and walking tomoz to burn off..... if my cold permits

Today will officially be my bad day of the week! Smooth healthy sailing for the rest!... i hope!

so beautiful



Monday, October 5, 2009

Countdown to Xmas..

Well the weekend was pretty sweet..... get drunk, ate lots, caught up with family and friends, got amazing pressies and all in all had an amazing time!.......Now it begins!

X-mas Challenge:

80 days
11.5 weeks

I have a goal and i am going to stick with it! I whipped out my old journals where i kept track of my measurements, weight and food intake for each day and opened a new page!

Im so excited. I have lost track and motivation since coming back from new zealand but now its summer (bikini season) and its time to take control again.

Bring on the sun :D
Ciao Ciao

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

expect the unexpected!

My housemate was roaming the net last nite and came across a site that tells you you body fat percentage. I lend him one of my many measuring tapes and watch as he goes about in finding out his percentage. No ylet me just say this, i wasnt really surprised when he said he only has 8% body fat because he is pretty ripped! He is a small/short guy, not bulky but pretty ripped!
My turn....
a healthy woman should be between 22-25% and i am 40.2%!
Thinking back tho i do not recall puttin in my height but thats no excuse.... that number is now stuck in my head!
Nearly half of my body if FAT!
im not very impressed ...but my determination has returned in full force!
I have avoided all cakes and biscuits, put back all the chocolate I may pick up at the shops! Im actually pretty pleased at my ability to walk past the muffins (biggest weakness) but i now know of the giant calorie bomb they truly are! They are a special occasion treat only now! *sigh* If i must snack i eat almonds, strawberries and watermelon.... all fresh...nothing to processed.
Well my bday is in 3 days or so and I am still the same weight wise, yet i feel alot better body wise. I can see a difference in muscle definition, where places have firmed and toned up. i even chucked on a bikini the other day... still got my down but not as much as i assumed it would!
But i brought the most awesome dress ... 2 dresses actually, one for lunch and then one for night time that i can actually run a muck in haha, and both are in a smaller size.. a size that i am quite content with and they both fit really well. Am looking forward to saturday now :) i hope it goes well. I hate having parties for my birthday.. it makes me so uncomfortable knowing all the expectations behind a 21st but ihave decieded hey... its my party and ill drink/laugh/cry/passout if i wanna ...... haha
Well home time to do some walking/jogging. I should do the gym but feelin abit off 2day as have just started the pill again and always makes me feel quite ill for the first week, so some fresh ocean air will lift me.
ciao ciao

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Back on track...

Ever since I have come back from my holiday I have lost all control. I cant say no anymore, I cant stop after just one small tasting, I cant walk past without resisting temptation.
But not anymore!
Starting today I have 2 weeks until my birthday and I have maintained the same weight for about 3 months now! Time to break it!
No chocolate or chips have been brought during the weekly shopping so if I need to pig out I have a nice supply of fruit n vege!
Am limiting to 600-650 a day with a min of 600 burnt off everyday which can easily do at the gym on an hour! So taking it easy then slowly going to build up the exercise! Gotta look fantastic for my bday!

Damn i wish i had her body!

Man I cant wait for summer!
I find it so easy to not eat in the summer. Waking up in the morning before the beach and u have a flat stomach which you don’t want to ruin before walking down the sand in a bikini so you just don’t eat. The sunbathing and swimming all day, doing exercise while being social, then hve a cold refreshing coke zero and an apple and a bottle of water for hydration, then back in the water to burn off the apple and go home tanned, toned and empty….and happy!

That is my summer weekend routine … and I cannot wait for this rain to go so it can begin!!
Im goin to start blogging more to stay on track. When I have to write what i am doing, I want to feel confident i am being strong and not guilty I am failing.
So until then I have a nice bowl of salad, watermelon, an apple and an egg white omelet with baby spinach leaves to get me through till the gym tonight!
ciao cioa

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Epic fail!

Ladies at work: “where have all the smarties gone?.....”

Me: raises hand *shame*

Monday, August 31, 2009

Spring is in the air

Finally it is spring! The countdown to beach weather is now on :D can finally get my long awaited tan! I feel naked without a golden brown tinge to my skin. Instead i go the lovely colour of yellow during winter (ick). Plus it means longer nights so can go jogging on the beach, or even go to the gym and go for a walk later for a cool done because it will still be light and warm enough.

Have started a new sort of routine. I had contemplated attempting 2,4,6,8 upon the first day i found I lacked the control to restrict to 200 cals. So I have made afew amendments to suit my eating styles for now:

Monday - 600

Tueseday - 400

Wednesday - 600

Thursday - Fast

Friday - 400

Sat & Sun - 600 (including alcohol intake)

Also i must burn a minimum 900 cals a day

Today is a 400 cal day which will be tough tonight when I am at my weakest but have pre-planned my dinner and will be atthe gym for 2 hours plus i want to get back into my painting which is quite distracting so hopefully I can keep a level head ans eat what i have assigned myself.

If hungry, i will allow myself 5 almonds. Now i must say, almonds are one of the ultimate hunger stoppers. If im hungry i grab 10 almonds (23 Cals) and i feel full for a couple of hours! They are my new snack love!

I am goin to follow this routine till my birthday in one months time where i am planning a mini make over for myself. I want to give to wow factor when all family and friends see me thin and toned, blonde and with hair extensions :D Plus it would be nice to feel good about myself for one day, away from my greasy knotty hair, old baggy jumpers and pants to hide my fats. By then i hope to be 140lb (which i should have been months ago *sigh*)

Then i have 3 months till new years to be 125 - Back to where iwas 2 yrs ago!

Im excited to begin :D

Well i had better do some work

ciao ciao

Monday, August 24, 2009

back... and bigger then ever

well hats how i feel anyways.... But i allowed it! After all its hard to restrict with $5 spirits and buffet breakfast and dinners every night in a giant contiki tour for 15 days with 53 people and sharing a room with friends! Problem is now i cant stop eating!
Today was the start of restriction once again but the chocolate block under my bed was to tempting. So once that is gone its back to it. I have a new goal to push myself towards and thats my 21st bday!
10 pounds in 6 weeks. Im hoping the 3kgs i gained from my holiday will melt of quick then another 3 after that. Well there is only one way to find out.
Tho on a different note, despite the amount of crap i have been eating, it was good to just get go of control for awhile, let loose and enjoy myself. To taste food i had banned from my mouth for the first time in ages was like pure heaven. I knew it was bad but i was on holiday... from the world... and from myself! Sure im paying for it now but i enjoyed it at the time. My 2 week holiday binge!
So now that i have had my fill and over stuffed my face with goodies, i really feel no desire to have any more!
Back to reality now :) to quiet comforting control

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Food diary


Breakfast - 10g muesli (40 cals) & 15mls hilo milk (7 cals) - 47cals

Lunch - handful of Lettuce (3cals ) handful of baby spinach (2cals ) 25g of carrot (21 cals) 1 stick of capsicum (2 cals) 1 stcik of celery (4 cals) 100 mls chicken vege soup (46 cals) = 77 cals

Dinner - 200g spag bog - 300 cals

Snack - 25g Carrot (21 cals), 4 clelery sticks (13 cals ), half a scone (100 cals)

TOTAL CONSUMED(rounding to nearest hundred) : 600 Cals


60 mins power walking (half hour to work, half hour home to lunch) - 300 cals
20 mins walking to town and back - 85 cals
60 mins body attack - 751 Cals
30 Mins body cuircuit - 300 cals


i just brought myself 2 blocks of chocolate.... the test is to see how long they can last!!!!


Thursday, July 23, 2009

as i write this i am eating a scone >.<

2 weeks to go till I fly out and im STILL at the same weight I have been for the last month! And I no the reason behind it! My in ability to give up lollies and my love of pumpin the weights at the gym! Ill explain

Lately I have succeeded in not going over 800 cals a day which him pretty impressed with, considering when I look back on old food diaries where my daily intake was around 1800+ (never again). I even got down to 500 cals a day but after a very drunk yet eventful night I met a guy, which resulted in dinner and lunch dates plus a group dinner outing with friends. Sure I could have chosen not to eat before these meals but I prefer not to feel light headed and uneasy at the gym hence eating substantial mini meals to keep me going. So sticking to 800 or less a day but burning1200+ a day is the aim. Which brings me to the gym!

After years of avoiding the gym, I look back now and think myself a fool! It is the best place especially for me who lacks motivation! Body Step, Body Pump, Body Attack and Body Combat as the greatest afternoon calorie burners! Even better when there are two in a row! So I have been going to the gym now for just over a month and can definitely see a change. I have toned up considerably, I have more muscle definition, more energy and motivation plus its great to get in my daily work out when its raining every day! I have also had several comments on my weight loss. But heres the kicker, THERE IS NO WEIGHT LOSS! Maybe fat loss and muscle gain but I NEED the scales to go down. For peace of mind, to see all my efforts are not in vain and that I really am working towards something! I know if I give up weights it may help but I love the class, I love the burning sensation in a lunge and the last surge of energy in the last push of a rep! besides the more muscle to build, the more you burn when you are resting. Grr so many different reasons to stop and continue. Plus the guilt trip that sits on me when I miss a class is horrendous. In that hour I could be burning calories I will be consuming instead!

Decision made. I am sticking with the weights and will control my junk eating habits!

Am off down south this weekend to watch a band and stay for 2 nights. So excited :D


Sunday, July 5, 2009

chunky shame!!!

The legs story: i have always had big legs. I was a swimmer and a good one at that, so i had the bulk muscle and tone which i had no problem with, infact i was proud of them.

<<<-- Until this photo in April this year at my highest weight:

i am embarrased and ashamed!

I vowed to change what i had created of my chunky cheddar, orange peel fatty mcfatfat legs! I have walked every day and joined the gym doing Body Attack, body pump,Body Step and body Combat.

4kg later and i seen improvement. Not perfection but improvement! i can cross my legs without the fat having to overflow and crease up. i can see my lost muscles returning to their former glory. i dont want bulk, i want definition!

I no for a fact that i will never had stick thin legs and i accept that, i will do whatever it takes to have lean and tones pins that will be the envy of many! i get nice comments now but i want them even better.

i have had a shocking weekend of constant intake of food but i plan of fixing that.

Hope everyone is well :)


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Random musing:

My knickers are stretched to my shape; comfortable and accommodating to my body image. Yes they are scungy, tatty and torn, faded and daggy, Fraid with holes. But they ease my mind.
But now the dreaded day has finally arrived where I have to buy new undies! Sure it should be an event to be excited about but it is one I despise just for the simple fact that i don’t want muffin top! I will sit in discomfort, feeling my fat rolls hang over tight elastic. Ill have the need to pull them higher then necessary to “tuck it all in” and think how they will bee seen through tighter clothing.

Nawwww I love my hobo undies :(

P.S. - R.I.P. Michael Jackson. Your music made me, changed me and is forever apart of me.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

facts and figures 1#

Hmm its been awhile. Sorry for the neglect of the blogging but I have quickly browsed everyones blogs to see how everyone is going. They are all so inspirational.

Well its been flat tack here at work. I was doin 2 jobs for 2 weeks while our receptionist was in Bali, and now have spent all this week trying to catch up on my work. And ihave to say I love being that busy. The day goes so much faster, I move around a lot more plus I have to leave the office a lot so I walk down town which is 10 minutes there and back each time so burning up abit more is fine by me haha.

Well I joined up at the gym, and all though I spend the whole days deciding whether to go or not, I feel so good after! I’m not a fan of using the equipment. I prefer to use a tredmill privately so I can turn up my ipod and run with noone to judge and mouth the words to my metal songs, and I must say the thought of me attempting to jog on a treadmill mouthing the lyrics which entail a lot of screaming is making me giggle. Hence the reason I like to privately use the equipment. Im more of a group fitness gal and that’s all I do!
So far this week I have done:

Monday: Walking (1hr) and Body Attack (1hr)
Tuesday: Walk/Jog (30 mins) and Body Step (1hr)
Wednesday (today): Cross trainer (30 mins) and planning to do Body Pump (1hr)

Thursday I plan to have a day off as it is shopping night and Friday I am going to try Body Combat!

I just gotta find the motivation to get to the gym tonight. I cant be assed but I really need to go as Macy is cooking pasta bake tonight and I know for a fat that I will eat more then I intend to. I always try to weigh what I eat but its getting abit obvious with the scales out all the time. Meh, macy is always talking about her diet so hope ony thinks its her.

Ooo yeah I was searching the web today at work (bit of free time on my hands) and I was wondering how many calories equal a pound and I found this piece of information:

“A pound of body fat equates to approximately 3500 calories. So if you have a calorie deficit of 500 calories (meaning that you burn 500 calories more than you eat each day) you would lose approximately one pound per week:
500 x 7 = 3,500
It's easy to see that a calorie deficit of 1000 calories would mean that you'd lose approximately two pounds per week. And that's a good number to remember, because two pounds a week is commonly accepted as the maximum rate of weight loss that is healthy….”

That is from the site:

And looking through a few of the sub titles I ended up on a link that calculates how long it will take to burn off the amount of pounds you are aiming for if you have a calorie deficit and this is the results from my aim:
Current weight: 146lb
Goal weight 1#: 127lb

Calorie deficit:
250 cals - 8 months & 26days
300 cals - 7 months & 12 days
350 cals - 6 months 10 days
400 cals - 5 months & 16 days
500 cals - 4 months & 13 days

My goal is to be 127 by October (my 21st) so I need to burn 500 cals more then I eat each day to reach that goal!
Now I feel motivated for the gym!

Just doin a quick working out……

From what I have eaten today and plan to eat tonight and what exercise I have done and will do I will have a deficit of 300!

Pump it is!

Well it is the end of the day. I will try keep a more regular post now that it has calmed down here. I hope my little facts are interesting and help you achieve your goals.

Oo and on a plus side I have been stuck at 66kg (146lb) for 3 weeks or so, which sucks because I haven’t lost any more but then I haven’t gained, just maintained! But I weighed myself today and am back in the 65kgs :D good motivation to see 64kg!

Off to pump it
Ciao ciao
Savii xx

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Gyming it up

First off, hello and thank you to those following me. I hope I can provide some form of service, whether it is inspiration, entertainment or even time wasting :P

Second: I am off to join the gym after work. As much as I love walking it just doesn’t burn enough!
An hour walking at 6kph burns 300 cals but 1 hour doing body step burns double that, and looking at the gym timetable you can do 2-3 classes in a row! That’s 1200 to 1800 cals possibly burnt off! So once I get into a routine and build up my fitness I hope to do all 3 in a row some days! Look out body!

Just got a txt from my friend danny who is down for the weekend for my mates (and her ex) 21st party and she wants to catch up for dinner at Hungry Jacks :( :(
I have been feverishly searching calorie king to king out just how much a whopper junior minus beef and cheese but they don’t have that option! I want subway but with danny its either her way or the highway *sigh* ill see if they still do ceaser salads and I just wont put the dressing on and pick out the croutons. Easy done! Otherwise the usual Whopper junior minus beef, cheese, tomato and pickle with light mayo and heavy lettuce and a medium diet coke. I say usual which it pretty much as been for 5 years because after working there for 3 years I KNOW what they do to that beef *shudders*

Hope I can keep it up as today has been a goodin’.
80 mins walking
Muesli & milk and fish and salad and an apple today making it a total 200 cals so far. Just got dinner to go :S

Off to sign up!
Ciao Ciao


Wednesday, June 3, 2009


After a weekend I am trying to erase from my mind I have maintained weight which I have mixed feelings about. On one side I haven’t gained, on the other its still fatty mcfatfat!

Have tried pickin up my act today after last nites shameful binge on Cadbury rocky road chocolate (which is now all gone thankfully) yet there now remains my 70% cocoa block which again is good and bad. On one side its pretty rich so cannot eat my usual half a block, only 2 squares plus it has good antioxidants! On the other side its still chocolate that I do not need. I did so well for 2 weeks where not a piece touched my lips, not mouth has had a taste and craves like there is no tomorrow! I will be strong!

So yeah, back to getting back on track with today. I have been thoroughly researching my calorie counter book and assessing my daily intake and a usually stick around the 800 cal mark. Over the weekend I blitz the 1,000 cal max limit which I am very ahamed about. It was such a lack of self control, I swear my hand and mouth shared a mental thought and decided to mutiny over my lack of sugar and crap! But I am back in control with a limit of 600cals per day now!
Today I have consumed:
Muesli (10g) & Hilo milk (15mls) – 39 + 7 = 46 cal

Medium Apple (Half at 11.30am & other half at 4pm) = 72 cal

Lettuce (10g), Carrot (30g), Baby spinach (10g), avocado (5g),
grated cheese (3g) wrapped in Roti bread – 2 + 12 + 2 + 8 + 12 + 70 – 106cal

Mini Anzac muffin (10g) – 49cal

And tonights dinner, cos macy is away I can pick something low cal, we are having fish and veges which I hope is no more then 300 cals all up.

On top of thati hae also walked about 1.5 hours today and plan to do some yoga and weights and sit ups!

I want to reach at least 143lb by sat!!

Just a quick update. I promise to write one good and proper when I have some time between bosses walking past my comp all day hehe

Stay strong!


Friday, May 22, 2009

Quick update

Well in the time frame of about 18 hours I’ve had to watch my ex drool over his current love interest as she walked the stage in teeny tiny bikinis last nite with a hot bod while I felt like a fat whale in the corner, and go to a doctors appointment for a breast check up which meant taking my top off and sitting there with my fat rolls hanging out everywhere. I swear the whole time he was checking them I didn’t not care that an old guy was fondling my boobs, I cared more about how disgusting I looked sitting there with giant muffin top and pot belly. Lucky I hadn’t had lunch yet that would have been worse.

I haven’t had a chance to weigh myself in the last 2 days and its killing me. I dunno if its beta to do it once a week or everyday but I prefer everyday that way I can keep a daily track. I always weigh myself on same time: after I have just walked home and eaten my lunch. Am contemplating jumping on the wii tonight but I have no idea how to turn it on with my housemates gadget control. Press this then this then that then activities then press this till this comes up *sigh* I should just purchase some scales but alas since I am going to New Zealand in august I must save.

Anyway I have decided that once I meet 132lb I am going to get a tattoo on my hip. Now I love tattoos. I watch LA Ink, Miami Ink and London Ink whenever I can and always talk about my next planned one. But I will only get a tat that has personal meaning and get it done on a place that won’t stretch as I see that as pointless. One of these pointless places was on my hip but a way I see it now is to get to a weight I will never go higher then, and get the tat as motivation to not stretch it with whale blubber! Nothing big, just a reminder to stay in control. I’m excited and motivated just thinking about it, a new tat on my slimmer hips.

I’m going to use this motivation to its advantage and jump on the treadmill.

And just a little note to me these ramblings have no flow. I love a good entry that has some time dedicated to writing it but I am at work and have to keep hiding my entry as I write, do some calls and jobs in between and I loose my train of thought. Ill try an entry at home when I am alone and to myself J

Savii xx

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Highs and lows

Well from a week of such high spirits as I watch the number on the scales go down, my f**k of an ex decided to tell me that he is goin on a date with a chick in the finals for a mans magazine! Heres me tryin to be nice (god knows why since he has done nothing for me sept make my life a misery) and being all supportive when he is saying he is all nervous and the conversation goes something like this:

Ex: “Fukn Nervous enuf!”

Me:” u’ve been out with enuf girls 2 no wat 2 do haha”

Ex: “ya but nun dis hot, no ofence ha”

So there is me, was crying the shower for about 10 mins last nite hating the body I was in, hating that I am no good in beauty standards, hating the fact that I am not a hot model in finals to get into magazines with my smoking hot body in an itsy bitsy bikini!! Hating that I still care about what he says. Hating me! And these feelings have carried onto 2day *sigh*

The only plus side is that I am back to my old highest weight! Hardly worth celebrating though cos I never should have gotten any higher in the first place!
So to get on the right track I have been making mini challenges with myself.
This weekend I am off to the casino and clubbing in Perth so I want to be hopefully 147lb
The following weekend I hope to be a stable 145lb
By June 22nd (ex’s bday) I hope to be a solid 141 lb as that is what I was his birthday last year… smaller would be fantastic but tryin to be realistic! So I have a month to loose about 7lb. I need to. I have to!

I’ve been eating relatively well. My only downfall is dinner time where I just feel I must eat EVERYTHING.
Have been eating:
Breakfast: 20g of muesli – 78cal
General salad and vegetable patties I made – 150 cals (this varies most days as will have an egg or soup extra so lunch ranges from 150 – 300)
Snack: Apple – 55cal
Dinner: Roughly 600cals

Grrrr I need to cut back so much at dinner! Or at least go for a walk after to start the burning process so not everything is stored when I sleep! Its just so hard when there is ice cream in the fridge. So am trying to revert back to Ice cream on Sunday’s only. This was the family tradition for years. Ice cream was the Sunday treat and looked forward to it so much! Now I’m out of home I cant stop eating it cos it is there at my leisure. This is where I need to put my self control in motion. I have been doing so good with chocolate so now to apply with ice cream! Or at least substitute with yoghurt. Geez I used to eat yoghurt by the gallon but since getting so sick last year dairy just doesn’t sit well anymore! Sucks! The only good thing to come out of being very ill was the weight loss! I loved being that small, being able to fit into my old clothes and t-shirts and especially my mini mini mini skirt which hadn’t fit me since year 8! Last Christmas is fit so snugly now I can just get it to my hips and I don’t even bother trying to button them up! The day that skirt fits is the day I will feel accomplished!

Well beta do some work I suppose.

Savii xx

P.S. just seen a pic of the ex’s new interst and sure she got a body (bad) but I think im much beta looking then her (good). Feelin abit beta now.

p.p.s. good feeling now gone :(

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"what you eat in private, shows in public"

We I think a small introduction is in order. Just an average 20 year old living in Western Australia. Huge fan of dancing. The best for of release! Love a good laugh, hanging with my mates. Addicted to travelling, currently planning a get away to New Zealand in August this year, contiki touring it up with my housemate Tony* which I am very much looking forward to. I work in Real Estate, the legal side of it and I have to say it is not the most exciting job there is but it pays the bills. I recently moved out with my friends Tony and Macy* which has given me a new outlook to life. The freedom, the independence, the responsibility. I love it!

However, there is one thing I hate... my body!
Its fat, its lumpy, its flabby and in desperate need of some hip bones and toning! Some tanning and perfection! Alot of self disipline and self control!
As of Monday i started this control! My goal is to get to 127lb by my 21st birthday! I have to. I need to.

*sigh* I find it hard to give up eating the things i love. Chocolate, icecream, Biscuits, muffins..... those are my biggest loves and my greatest downfalls!
However I am proud to say that after Easter i have had my chocolate fix, i make home made muffins now, biccies just dont do me anymore and icecream? well we buy way to much of it! but i haVe found an alternative. Last night i decided to buy some frozen strawberries(will get fresh when they are abit cheaper), low fat yoghurt, ice and hilo milk and made mini frappes which turned out pretty decent. I also purchased some weight waters jelly @ 9cals per 100g and i only have about 50g at a time so 4.5cals woop woop.

I am a very big calorie counter now. This started when my friend brought me a calorie counting book last year. It pretty much became mym bible. I was checking EVERYTHING that i was about to eat but i was never very serious about it at the time. Now times are changing. Since i stated this goal seriously i have discovered that my bible book is also online which makes it much more convinient: i do recommend a look. It helps me keep track troughout that day plus i can plan ahead and see just what i should eat and how much exersice will burn it off again :D

So my goal weights i want to achieve are:
End May/June - 147lb
July - 143lb
August - 138lb
Sept - 134lb
OCT - 127lb

I can do it! I will do it

Eaten so far:
Muesli - Apricot & Almond (20g) - 78cal
Salad - Lettuce baby spinach, carrot, capsicum, celery, 40g tuna, 10g cheese, one egg - 200cal

1.5 Hrs walking:
60 mins @6kph - 302cals burnt
30 mins @ 5kph - 124cals burnt

Savii xx

So it begins..

After much thought and incredible amounts of moping about how i look, i am now taking matters into my own hands. Looking back in time, over a year ago I was want i want to be now. Now i am my highest weight i have ever been!!! Time for change. Time for control!

My Stats:
LW: 127lb - 2008
HW: 154lb - 2009
CW: 149lb
GW: 127lb

Myself: Feb 2008 - 132lb March 2009 - 154lb

Started officially this week and lost 1lb since yesterday.
My May goal is to be 147lb

I hope i can do it, i need to do it!

Well this was a random post as am slowly dying of a cold but will post a more productive entry tomoz :)

Savii xo