Highs and lows

Well from a week of such high spirits as I watch the number on the scales go down, my f**k of an ex decided to tell me that he is goin on a date with a chick in the finals for a mans magazine! Heres me tryin to be nice (god knows why since he has done nothing for me sept make my life a misery) and being all supportive when he is saying he is all nervous and the conversation goes something like this:

Ex: “Fukn Nervous enuf!”

Me:” u’ve been out with enuf girls 2 no wat 2 do haha”

Ex: “ya but nun dis hot, no ofence ha”

So there is me, was crying the shower for about 10 mins last nite hating the body I was in, hating that I am no good in beauty standards, hating the fact that I am not a hot model in finals to get into magazines with my smoking hot body in an itsy bitsy bikini!! Hating that I still care about what he says. Hating me! And these feelings have carried onto 2day *sigh*

The only plus side is that I am back to my old highest weight! Hardly worth celebrating though cos I never should have gotten any higher in the first place!
So to get on the right track I have been making mini challenges with myself.
This weekend I am off to the casino and clubbing in Perth so I want to be hopefully 147lb
The following weekend I hope to be a stable 145lb
By June 22nd (ex’s bday) I hope to be a solid 141 lb as that is what I was his birthday last year… smaller would be fantastic but tryin to be realistic! So I have a month to loose about 7lb. I need to. I have to!

I’ve been eating relatively well. My only downfall is dinner time where I just feel I must eat EVERYTHING.
Have been eating:
Breakfast: 20g of muesli – 78cal
General salad and vegetable patties I made – 150 cals (this varies most days as will have an egg or soup extra so lunch ranges from 150 – 300)
Snack: Apple – 55cal
Dinner: Roughly 600cals

Grrrr I need to cut back so much at dinner! Or at least go for a walk after to start the burning process so not everything is stored when I sleep! Its just so hard when there is ice cream in the fridge. So am trying to revert back to Ice cream on Sunday’s only. This was the family tradition for years. Ice cream was the Sunday treat and looked forward to it so much! Now I’m out of home I cant stop eating it cos it is there at my leisure. This is where I need to put my self control in motion. I have been doing so good with chocolate so now to apply with ice cream! Or at least substitute with yoghurt. Geez I used to eat yoghurt by the gallon but since getting so sick last year dairy just doesn’t sit well anymore! Sucks! The only good thing to come out of being very ill was the weight loss! I loved being that small, being able to fit into my old clothes and t-shirts and especially my mini mini mini skirt which hadn’t fit me since year 8! Last Christmas is fit so snugly now I can just get it to my hips and I don’t even bother trying to button them up! The day that skirt fits is the day I will feel accomplished!

Well beta do some work I suppose.

Savii xx


P.S. just seen a pic of the ex’s new interst and sure she got a body (bad) but I think im much beta looking then her (good). Feelin abit beta now.

p.p.s. good feeling now gone :(